In case you were wondering, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. You could say I’ve been spending time grasping it with both hands, trying to keep myself from floating away, my head filled with stress, anxiety, and everything else that can make one’s head spin until you’re dizzily cross eyed and grasping at the ground. Basically, it was a self inflicted hiatus. Here are some of the things I’ve been doing, for those who care:
- Packing an entire house
- Saying goodbye to my husband for an almost year long deployment
- saying goodbye to friends who became family
- moving halfway across the country with two small children
- living with my parents
- reading a lot of biographies of my favorite women
- swim lessons
- a long overdue journey back into physical fitness
- most recently, binging on Reign and Outlander and having the sudden urge to move to Scotland
It’s been a heavy load, staying busy by thinking of ways to stay busy. It’s exhausting spending months at a time keeping yourself and two kids distracted. It’s made possible with the help of grandparents, aunts, and lots of coffee.
We went from living in a three bedroom, two full bath home, to sharing a spare room in the home of my very gracious and helpful parents. So many blessings to count while missing my husband and the kids their daddy and aching for our own space, months away from attaining. But this self induced hiatus/pity party is over as I once more try to grasp that part of me that is fully my own.
Today, I traded my nephew ten dollars to babysit for a few hours of peace spread out on the table at the library. A Neil Gaiman novel, a writing prompt notebook, my laptop, and the Lord of The Rings Pandora station are my only company. I can make and break a lot of promises to myself about doing more of the things I love.
Or I can sit down, shut up, and grasp the chance when I can, unapologetically. So I’ll keep this short and go back to my purchased hours of freedom. Only adding that I hope to continue this sojourn into myself, even if only sporadically.